Blogging as competitive eating

I’m told that one trick to the astonishing feats carried out by world-class competitive eaters is that your satiety sensor is on something like a twenty-minute delay; so you can really pack an immense amount of food into your body before your brain realizes you’re doing something your stomach doesn’t want you to do.

I was talking to a colleague who wants to start a blog and asked for some advice, and I realized that blogging is kind of like this, too.  My math posts are very casual and full of mistakes, and the reason is that my practice is to write a post as soon as it occurs to me — I then have about a half hour before my brain says “Wait, you’re supposed to be working right now.”  So in that half hour I have to write as fast as I can, like Kobayashi smashing hot dogs into his mouth.

Yes, this is me blogging:

Is this a good time to mention that I once drank a gallon of milk in four minutes?  Here are my tips for success at this important task:

  • Filling and chugging and refilling and rechugging a glass, rather than drinking straight from the jug; this makes it more like doing a normal thing ten times in very short succession, rather than the abnormal and stupid thing that you are actually doing;
  • Not knowing it’s supposed to be impossible;
  • Being 16.
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5 thoughts on “Blogging as competitive eating

  1. bretbenesh says:

    Wait—did you drink the gallon of milk without vomiting? Because three graduate students tried and failed to drink a gallon of milk in _an hour_ without vomiting when I was at Wisconsin. There was wide speculation that it is biologically impossible to drink a gallon of milk in an hour without vomiting, but you may have blown that theory out of the water.

  2. JSE says:

    No vomiting!

  3. Nigel Boston says:

    Kobayashi can chug a gallon of milk in 18 seconds – see – mostly though it ends ugly.

  4. I think I know exactly when you got the idea for this blogpost. It was at the Joint Math Meeting, when we went to the Marriott breakfast buffet and you said “I’m going to make them rethink their ‘All you can eat’ policy here and now”. Then you and I proceeded to eat 4 pounds of bacon each, about 2 hours before my talk. That was super dumb, but I definitely feel like I pulled one on my stomach for about 17 minutes, which is my definition of success and I’ll take it.

  5. JSE says:

    You forgot about the part where you were all “I’m full” and I was all “Already on my way back for another plate, wimp!”

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